I’ve been getting more and more and more questions from WOMEN these days.. makes me wonder how many are on my list. I think eventually, I’ll start writing newsletters for both sexes.. or maybe I’ll start a new biz just for women. I even bought a domain name for this purpose - www.YourLoveLifeSucks.com. I’ll turn it into something eventually…

Just one page:

Your Love Life… SUCKS.

Here’s why:

(Sign up for the newsletter)

I think it’ll work!

So anyway, this little post is an attempt to answer 5 or 6 women’s questions in one shot.

One in particular wrote to me about her breakup with some guy, and how she wanted more closure. As usual, she was dating a guy who wasn’t open to having a relationship with her (other than sex), which is very very very very very common

So, to all you women out there who are stuck in this pattern, this post is for you.

You won’t have real 100% closure until you figure out why you chose someone who isn’t truly available. You made a choice to chase after him… why?

The answer may surprise you. And, it may require some pretty scary amounts of self-honesty.

I have found that a lot of girls choose unavailable, aloof, closed-hearted guys for the following reasons:

1. They are sooooo used to needy guys humping their legs and trying to marry them. If you are very pretty, then most men fit this ‘leg humping’ category. At least someone who is ‘unavailable’ is SAFE - he won’t back you into a corner and try to take sex & energy from you. And he won’t jump on you every time he sees an opening (like when you’re emotional). So women choose players, married guys, etc. because, well, at least it’s better than being with someone who is always being needy. And, you can let go, relax into your femininity and allow yourself to feel horny all day long if you want to.. You can’t be so relaxed around most guys, but the aloof guys are safe.

2. Women also choose unavilable types because they don’t want to get hurt again. They have walls around their Heart’s, and for now, they’d like to keep it that way. So dating a guy who they know will never open up to them is the logical choice becuse the guy won’t challenge them to become more intimate and open. He won’t push her to take any emotional risks.

3. Validation - Unavailable guys are a challenge! Most people confuse feelings of validation with feelings of love, or neediness with love, and I’ve seen a lot of girls over the years go through this. They want what they cannot have because it challenges them, it keeps them on their toes. Trying to seduce an “impossible guy” is more fun than watching TV, especially if there is competition with other women trying to get him too.

4. “Emotional rollercoaster syndrome”. Human beings are addicted to certain emotions.. it doesn’t matter which kind - excitement, happiness, sadness, despair… whatever you grew up with, you are addicted to. And, nobody is above this as far as i can tell. Not only addictions to familiar emotions, but with aloof, closed-hearted guys, you get to feel the whole range of emotions, sadness, anger, lust, excitement, mystery, challenge, depression, happiness… and emotions are like crack to most girls.. Soap operas, anyone? Women love guys than can make them FEEL THINGS, and most guys (sadly) do not fit this category. So women will choose the ‘badboy’ because at least when she’s with him, she feels that there is blood pumping through her veins. Drama is better than boredom.

5. The “who the fuck are YOU to not want ME?” revenge syndrome. Actually, I see quite a few of my guy students getting caught up in this one, and women are no exception. If someone doesn’t want them, it stings their ego, triggers insecurities, and they will do ANYTHING to try to get back with the one who rejected them, because they need to prove to themselves that they are ‘worthy’. So first they get rejected, then get angry, and then they want their REVENGE. The seduction community is FILLED with these types. They never got to fuck the prom queen, and they’re pissed, so now they spend their time learning seducion tricks in order to have their revenge. Go to any seduction seminar and you’ll see these guys are everywhere.. angry little PUA’s that they are, and their language patterns give them away.

6. “The Mother Theresa Syndrome”. This is when we want to “heal” other people, but in reality we are only trying to heal ourselves. So we set out to fix their broken heart’s because we are really attempting to fix our own.

I could go on and on spitting out descriptions like this…

Anyway, I hope this shines a little awareness on anyone who can benefit.

Blessings,
Stephane