***QUESTION***
Hi Stephane,
I find your materials very eye-opening and wanted
to ask if you could please explain “the qualifier” to
me, in a nutshell. You’ve said that it is one of the
most important paradigm shifts to experience in
the pickup/dating domain, so you have my undivided
attention! 
>>>COMMENTS:
“The Qualifier” is the fundamental paradigm shift that is
needed. It’s very simple, but can be enormously difficult
to fully comprehend. It’s one thing to read and to ‘know
about’ something, but that’s very different from actually
‘becoming it’. For example, it is one thing to read about
Australia, but that does not make you Australian.
“The Qualifier” takes time plus dedication, patience, and
fixity of purpose before it finally “clicks” (integrates). When
it does finally ’sink in’, pickup and dating automatically
become easy and joyful.
It marks the difference between being the salesman versus
being the consumer. If you are the salesman, then you have
to try to convince the consumer that your product is
valuable. On the other hand, as the consumer, you’re not
trying to convince anyone of anything, but are merely
trying to gather information about the available options
so that you can make an informed decision.
This paradigm shift marks the difference between seeking
approval, versus simply seeking to know the truth about a
woman’s essence. The man doing pickup is to completely let
go of ’selling’ and embrace the fact that he is actually
merely ’shopping’. (Negative emotions such as social
anxiety soon vanish.)
The naive salesman is trying to use force (persuasion,
convincing), whereas the consumer is the one who has the
power. The salesman is trying to ‘get’ money, whereas the
consumer is merely trying to decide if they wish to
‘give’ money.
So, the qualifier style of pickup is one where you let go
of pursuing/begging/desiring/selling/gaming, and instead
substitute those common attitudes with simply wanting to
see if the woman possesses the spiritual qualities that you
insist on having in a girlfriend, e.g., integrity, sense of
humor, emotional intelligence, etc. We live in a world that
is frankly filled with negativity and deception, and the
world of dating is no exception. In the search for someone
who is capable of Love, it is therefore imperative to
develop emotional detachment, as well as the ability to
quickly gather pertinent information, hopefully within just
a few seconds or minutes. (I want to know NOW if she has
integrity or not, and not in six months from now after she
has slept with my best friend.) The qualifier, you might
say, is very attractive to students who no longer wish to
suffer in the dating world. Frequently, most students have
gone through all of the various “dating systems” only
to end up feeling confused, cynical, and hurt. When enough
suffering has been endured, the desire for spiritual truth
grows strong.
At first glance, “the qualifier” attitude, when applied
to the context of pickup/dating, may sound arrogant, but
that is only when it is being viewed from the position of
still being identified with neediness/desire, as well as
sympathy. It also stems from a misunderstanding of what
integrity and nonintegrity mean, which is a whole subject
not suitable for a public newsletter. Being able to tell
the wolves from the sheep is quite advanced, and yet
without this very fundamental skill, the chances of ever
enjoying a truly successful love life are slim to none, as
can be readily seen in today’s world where many people are
either divorced, or else pretending to be happy in order
to ’save face’ and ‘keep the peace’.
“The Qualifier” is a very clinically-detached position
that comes out of an absolute intolerance for ‘evil’. Thus,
it is in deep alignment with truth and valor. Just by
itself, however, we can see that it is still missing
something, and that something is joie de vivre. Thus, when
you can add humor, love, and emotionless joy to “the
qualifier” paradigm, you’re completely done learning
pickup and dating because those were the only necessary
ingredients all along.
Meeting women then becomes a joy, rather than an awful task
or dreaded situation. When rejected, you no longer feel
sadness or shame, because “the qualifier” is actually
immune. Rejection can actually even become somewhat funny,
and at the same time you feel sorry for people (compassion),
not because you’re ‘better’ than anyone, but simply
because you see how much they suffer needlessly, whereas
your own suffering has all but come to an end (as a
consequence of having let go of false perceptions).
Note that it can take a lifetime or three to accomplish
this paradigm shift, as it requires an intense willingness
to surrender fears, desires, beliefs, and everything that
stands in the way of this paradigm so that it fully ripens
and settles and matures. The desire to experience true
Unconditional Love has to mature into a rock-solid decision
and a commitment. Wishful thinking and rose-colored glasses
have to fall by the wayside in the search for true Love, which
is both an ‘inner’, as well as an ‘outer’, search.
To go from wishing for love to actually becoming and sharing
Love with a worthy partner is a very major decision that
gains momentum and eventually supersedes all other
ambitions.
Although the world of today is very familiar with personal
love, it does not know what Spiritual Love is. “The Qualifier”
is merely a useful tool to be used along the road to discovery,
and is to be discarded later on as Knowingness replaces or
eclipses the intellect.
Thus, the purpose of intensive programs such as Womanize is
to gently enable this very major shift to occur. In most
cases, the program will need to be studied over the course
of several years before it all finally “clicks.” The
literary style (as well as the speaking style in the
accompanying videos) is strong and declarative, rather than
the more common manner of writing/speaking which tends to be
more tentative or provisional. This is because the truths
shared are based upon the absoluteness of spiritually-based
subjective Revelation, rather than intellectually-based
experiences, memories of accomplishments, or opinions. The
style of presentation is designed to help facilitate a very
major paradigm shift which is actually well beyond
intellectual comprehension.
WHEW! Thanks for your question
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
