I recently did this phone consultation, and the guy started telling me about some pretty harsh things his girlfriend had said and done to him.

I don’t remember all the details, but one thing in particular stuck out -

He tried to kiss her, and she literally said, “I don’t like kissing you anymore, it’s boring”.

Can you imagine??

So anyway, it was becoming increasingly clear to me that she was obviously wanting to unload him (or “dump” him), but for some reason just wasn’t going to do it.

(A lot of girls will stay with a guy, even though they are unhappy, because they know that if they unload him, he will be very upset, hur.t, or possibly even suicidal. Or sometimes they stay with the guy because they feel they just “need” someone, ANYONE in their lives.)

Now, I *never* tell people if I think they “should” break up or not, it’s not my place to make this decision for them.

(I also won’t tell people to break up because, even if I feel that they probably should split, I certainly don’t need some guy or girl emailing me a month later and blaming me for a breakup.)

So yeah, in this case, I said, “I can’t tell you what to do, I can only tell you what I might do in your situation. Then again, I’m not you, and I wouldn’t have created this kind of reality to begin with. I’ve made these kinds of mistakes, yes, but I don’t do this stuff anymore.”

He understood.

Then I talked about how, sometimes when girls no longer want to be with us, our ego gets hur.t, and we sort of go into DENIAL about it.

Sometimes we go, “Who the f*ck is she to not want ME?!” and end up trying to mind-control (manipulate) her into loving us once again. But since this isn’t heart-centered, it almost never works.

(Even if we seem to succeed, two weeks later the relationship goes straight to hell once again.)

I then wrote him an email, I said, “I’m going to send you this email, and I’d like you to study it. It’s the email I would send her, if I were in your situation with this girl”.

>Here is that specific email:

I’ve been contemplating this relationship of ours, and recently had this moment of clarity.. I’m quite embarrassed right now, feeling pretty humbled.

First of all, I want to apologize, I have been blind, and even in denial that you’re (more than likely) trying to unload me, but probably haven’t actually said the words “please get lost!” because you don’t want to hurt me, and feel guilty for hurting me.

I’ve ignored this for too long, and I’m realizing how trapped you must feel.. My sticking around for this long was not only manipulative, but deep down my male-ego wouldn’t accept rejection. So I’ve been clinging on, and hoping for a miracle, when I should have just moved on with my life.

It’s pretty childish of me… So, I want to humbly ask for your forgiveness. I’m going to let you go now.

Sincerely,
“P”

So I suggested that he think about using this as a sort of “breakup-template”, you know, and perhaps put this into his own words and send it to her, and “let the chips fall where they may”.

I think an email like that will really demonstrate that he understands how she truly feels, and it might actually buy him a little more time with her.

The PROBLEM with this is, of course, that he doesn’t understand her, and he needed me to write that kind of email
for him, on his behalf. So even if he gets her back… I’m not sure he will be able to save this relationship.

And also interesting to note is that she CHOSE to be with a man who is needy, insecure, and basically just doesn’t understand how women tick.

She CHOSE a “mamma’s boy”, so even if he “man’s up” and learns all of this stuff that we teach, she may in fact not be ready to be with a guy who has empathy with women and comes from the Heart.

Thanks for reading, God Bless.

Blissings,
Stephane

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