“Overcoming Discussion Forum Ignorance”
How To Post/Participate On A Forum

Hey Reader!

After running discussion forums for many years, I’ve
distilled a few “secrets” that I thought would be
interesting and entertaining to share.

Forums can actually be an awesome place! I’ve seen lifelong
friendships being created, AND destroyed. I also met my wife
and soul mate on a forum, believe it or not. She bought
something of mine, emailed me, came on our forums, started
posting, and I have no idea how it happened but today we’re
happily married. Go figure. As it turns out, ideaGasms was
my “commercial” for finding Greta.

Forums have also been a source of extreme distress for me,
as they can inadvertently attract true cowards. The kind of
people that actually gain happiness from attempting to make
others feel wrong, stupid, ashamed, and even to make them
feel unlovable. (Actually, happiness is truly unknown to
such people. What they derive is pleasure, and confuse this
with happiness.)

As I begin to run my own forum once again, I note the vibe
is much more positive than ever, but I also note that a few
people still stumble around and make crucial mistakes. The
naivety of forum members is both endearing, and yet
frustrating because it makes you feel like a babysitter.

So, I thought I would attempt to write a type of Advanced
Participants Manual. If you’re a forum participant –
either on my forum, or on other forums — the purpose of this
article is to entertain, inform and inspire. It will include
a few “do’s” and many “don’t’s”, but overall I wish to
convey an attitude.

Since my forum is a spiritually-oriented forum
(relationships, self-improvement, and even devotional
Enlightenment), I’m going to include spirituality in my
article.

Here goes:

1. A forum is not a computer program or web page, it is a
home where fellow human beings login and share, at times,
their innermost selves. Think of a forum as a home. Behave
in the same way you would normally behave in someone’s
home. You’re invited there as a dinner guest. When I come
over to people’s homes, I often bring a small gift with me,
such as a bottle of wine, and sometimes I don’t. It isn’t
the cash-value, it’s an attitude. A forum is not an
entitlement, but a gift exchange.

2. After dinner, sometimes I gather up the dishes, and
sometimes I even start cleaning the dishes. I’m not kissing
up to the host, but merely offering my energy in exchange
for theirs, to show my appreciation and respect. I don’t
just sit there, eat the food, and expect everything to be
done for me. There is usually something I can do, to
contribute to the party. The host will often say, “No,
please, you’re my guest, I’ll clean that!” to which I
reply, “Be quiet and let me do the dishes.” While there
are no “dishes” on a forum, there is always something one
can do to contribute a little more than the average house
guest. Note that even just asking the host, “Can I help
with sweeping the floors? Where’s the broom?” can send
them right into tears of gratitude. (Note: I’m not asking
for anything, but merely trying to convey an attitude.)

3. Some people log into forums every couple of days, read up
on whatever the host is serving, and silently log off. This
is like walking into someone’s home without saying hello,
grabbing some food from the table, eating it in the garage,
and letting yourself out the back door. And then telling
yourself that you’re too “shy”, or giving the lame,
pseudo-innocent excuse, “I don’t know what to talk
about!” (but on a deeper level it is really just
narcissistic selfishness). It lacks courage, and
consideration. It is therefore cowardly and greedy.

4. Some people come to dinner, talk only about themselves,
eat whatever they can find, and disappear. For example,
someone will post something that is going on with them, and
the reader will ignore what they say and post their own,
“This is what’s happening with ME” and log off. (Or
worse, the reader will post unsolicited advice… Grrr.) This is
like showing up at a wedding, forgetting the bride and groom,
ignoring the guests and relatives, getting drunk, and
picking up on the wedding chicks.

5. Some people will log in and immediately take on the role
of “The Great, All-Knowing Teacher.” This is like going to a
university classroom and telling the professor to get you
some coffee, with one sugar and two creams, and proceeding
to draw equations on the blackboard and to start teaching
the class. This is also similar to showing up for a dinner
party with your own frying pans and steaks, and expecting
the guests… ah, you get the idea. Some people come to forums
and they immediately want to teach, yet they don’t give the
other forum members a chance to respect them as teachers.
One should master ’studenthood’ before ‘teacherhood’.

6. Similarly, some people come to forums with an
“All-Wise” attitude in which they share (read: PARROT)
what they’ve learned from books, yet they never open up,
never ask a question, and never reveal any imperfection.
These same people offer advice to those who do ask
questions, yet they are passive-aggressive (i.e., they make
you feel inferior and stupid, but they are so polite and say
all the ‘right’ things so that you can’t really call them
on what they are doing, yet your intuition knows what’s
up).

7. Some people post very short sentences, such as, “I know
what you mean, man!” or “That happened to me once” and
nothing more. They don’t actually add anything, for fear
that they will say something dumb, which would then cause
shame. Avoidance of shame actually stems from pride. When
you view yourself through a lens of pride, any perceived
mistake or imperfection is magnified. Note that pride is a
loveless energy field. (Watch out for these people, because
they are weak, and weakness is dangerous. Any dog knows
that!)

8. So these first seven points are probably the most common
forum etiquette mistakes people make. Number 8 is probably
the most common CAUSE of the above, and it also stems from
loveless pride. It is simply the narcissism in which the
poster naively assumes he is “better” than everybody else.
Since he believes this (perhaps unconsciously), his
perceptions are going to distort everything he sees and
reads on the forum (e.g., bias). He will see the other
posters as “geeks” or “idiots”, and engage in a
variation of ALL of the above mistakes. (The downside of
Pride is that it has to be defended, and it is easily
knocked off it’s pedestal into Shame.) Or, the flipside
of this is the assumption that others are better than him.
Surprisingly, this also stems from narcissism. The
downside of Pride is you’re always going to be “shy”
and “too careful” because you’re paranoid about
getting slammed into Shame. Think about it!

A forum, especially one such as mine, as it is a
spiritually-based forum, or truth-based forum, is one of the
few places on this entire planet where you can actually meet
your very best friends and soul mates. (This is a proven,
verifiable, and easily demonstrable fact.)

These are THE people, when you die, that are going to be
there with you in Heaven (assuming you make it that high).
It isn’t just “mojo_man” and “sander-blaster” and
“reekmaster” and “weird_girl_22″ — on a spiritual
forum, these “forum posters” can turn into your friends in
the truest sense of the word friends. True friendships are
Eternal, therefore, approach them as such. Approach people
with Reverence.

This is the problem with forums and the internet. We see all
these icons and images and posting names and avatars, and we
get lost in the computerized details. We don’t feel the
heartbeat, the warm blood, the soul, and we don’t get to
look someone in the eye and truly connect with them (unless
we make a greater effort to do so).

And, most of all, we forget that a forum (such as mine, but
certainly not limited to mine) isn’t just a place to grab
free information and log off. But rather, it is a place
where you can meet people that will go out of their way to
support you however they can.

I remember last year, we had this girl “AJ” who needed
emergency dental surgery. Her wisdom teeth were popping out,
and she had no money. The pain was excruciating… So, we
all threw in 5 bucks, or 35 bucks depending, and within two
to three hours, she had enough to get her teeth fixed. Case
closed. (She later reported that she was crying because she
never felt so loved in her entire life.)

We men, for example, often complain that we can’t find the
right girl, and that we’re not satisfied with the Love in
our lives, but I’m here to remind you that unless you know
how to post on a forum, you can forget your love life!

The following, on a much more positive note, are some basic
forum posting guidelines:

1. When someone posts something, know the difference between
someone who is simply sharing, versus someone asking for
advice. The difference is crucial, as it applies to all of social
life without exception. Unsolicited advice is condescending,
and it arises from narcissistic pride. Ask yourself, “Do
they seem to want advice? Or did they just share
something?” If they want advice, by all means, let loose.
But otherwise, just VIBE with them. Thank them for sharing,
and possibly share something of your own. But, before you
share your own thing, make sure to acknowledge their thing
first. Don’t just jump in and say, “You’ll never believe
what happened to me today!” When you acknowledge others,
you are acknowledging the human spirit, which is not
separate from your own heartbeat.

2. Don’t just post what’s right with you, post what’s
wrong with you also. Humility does not have to result in
humiliation. It results in love entering your life,
regardless of what other people say about you. Don’t
pretend like you’re not struggling, we all struggle. Life
is DAMN hard, and is really one big torture chamber and
house of horrors. It’s OK to admit the truth of that. The
house of mirrors that is the human ego/mind is a formidable
negative force. Parroting big, important-sounding spiritual
“catch-phrases” is not the same as becoming them. Most
people pretend “I already know” but if they knew it fully,
they would be Enlightened. We’re all just attempting to
know as best we can. Therefore, for every post you share
which is positive, try to match it with something negative.
Share your struggles, your fears, and your suffering. Put
your ego out there so we can all have a good laugh at it,
together. There is a time to teach, and a time to share and
learn, and strangely, many people get the syntax wrong.

3. Make friends with people, FOR REAL. This isn’t just the
internet, this is LIFE. Your internet friends are just as
real as your flesh-and-blood neighbors. Let them know they
count. If someone posts something interesting or even great,
and it makes you realize something important for yourself,
post a thank you, and even consider sending them a PM with a
small thank you note of appreciation. Kindness and gratitude
are the exception in our world. Become the exception as best
you can.

The new-and-improved ideaGasms forums have been GREAT so
far, and this isn’t so much to “correct” anyone — it is
written out of my gratitude, and my desire to continually
improve. All of us can always improve.

If you’re a member of my Powerletters eCourse and you
don’t post on the forums, shame on you

Here’s what I mean:

I spoke to someone recently that told me they went through a
very intense “dark night of the soul” after reading one of
the lessons, I think it was lesson 5.  Then… this person
mentioned how they wish they had spiritually-oriented
friends.

It never even occurred to this person that they could have
logged onto my forums, posted about what they are going
through, and had access to a small community of like-minded,
heart-centered, “instant friends” who would not only
LISTEN, but would actually CARE to listen to every word
sincerely. (That people resist and avoid Love at any cost
becomes evermore apparent as time goes on.)

Let’s face it, this world, for the most part, f*cking
sucks. Most people are seriously full of sh*t,
passive-aggressive, downright evil, annoying, rude, cold,
narcissistic, selfish and greedy, and much, MUCH more

There are rare people currently on my forums who are going
to make it to Unconditional Love, and possibly even
Enlightenment. This is no small thing! As Jesus might say,
these are the few who make it to Heaven, so to speak. This
is hardly a group of people you would want to ignore, unless
you’re a complete fool… This is the “cream of the crop”,
really, and that’s not an ego aggrandizing statement but a
spiritual fact.

So this is my late-night forum rant, thanks for reading.

Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon

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