***QUESTION***

Hi Stephane,

I find your materials very eye-opening and wanted
to ask if you could please explain “the qualifier” to
me, in a nutshell. You’ve said that it is one of the
most important paradigm shifts to experience in
the pickup/dating domain, so you have my undivided
attention!

>>>COMMENTS:

“The Qualifier” is the fundamental paradigm shift that is
needed. It’s very simple, but can be enormously difficult
to fully comprehend. It’s one thing to read and to ‘know
about’ something, but that’s very different from actually
‘becoming it’. For example, it is one thing to read about
Australia, but that does not make you Australian.

“The Qualifier” takes time plus dedication, patience, and
fixity of purpose before it finally “clicks” (integrates). When
it does finally ’sink in’, pickup and dating automatically
become easy and joyful.

It marks the difference between being the salesman versus
being the consumer. If you are the salesman, then you have
to try to convince the consumer that your product is
valuable. On the other hand, as the consumer, you’re not
trying to convince anyone of anything, but are merely
trying to gather information about the available options
so that you can make an informed decision.

This paradigm shift marks the difference between seeking
approval, versus simply seeking to know the truth about a
woman’s essence. The man doing pickup is to completely let
go of ’selling’ and embrace the fact that he is actually
merely ’shopping’. (Negative emotions such as social
anxiety soon vanish.)

The naive salesman is trying to use force (persuasion,
convincing), whereas the consumer is the one who has the
power. The salesman is trying to ‘get’ money, whereas the
consumer is merely trying to decide if they wish to
‘give’ money.

So, the qualifier style of pickup is one where you let go
of pursuing/begging/desiring/selling/gaming, and instead
substitute those common attitudes with simply wanting to
see if the woman possesses the spiritual qualities that you
insist on having in a girlfriend, e.g., integrity, sense of
humor, emotional intelligence, etc. We live in a world that
is frankly filled with negativity and deception, and the
world of dating is no exception. In the search for someone
who is capable of Love, it is therefore imperative to
develop emotional detachment, as well as the ability to
quickly gather pertinent information, hopefully within just
a few seconds or minutes. (I want to know NOW if she has
integrity or not, and not in six months from now after she
has slept with my best friend.) The qualifier, you might
say, is very attractive to students who no longer wish to
suffer in the dating world. Frequently, most students have
gone through all of the various “dating systems” only
to end up feeling confused, cynical, and hurt. When enough
suffering has been endured, the desire for spiritual truth
grows strong.

At first glance, “the qualifier” attitude, when applied
to the context of pickup/dating, may sound arrogant, but
that is only when it is being viewed from the position of
still being identified with neediness/desire, as well as
sympathy. It also stems from a misunderstanding of what
integrity and nonintegrity mean, which is a whole subject
not suitable for a public newsletter. Being able to tell
the wolves from the sheep is quite advanced, and yet
without this very fundamental skill, the chances of ever
enjoying a truly successful love life are slim to none, as
can be readily seen in today’s world where many people are
either divorced, or else pretending to be happy in order
to ’save face’ and ‘keep the peace’.

“The Qualifier” is a very clinically-detached position
that comes out of an absolute intolerance for ‘evil’. Thus,
it is in deep alignment with truth and valor. Just by
itself, however, we can see that it is still missing
something, and that something is joie de vivre. Thus, when
you can add humor, love, and emotionless joy to “the
qualifier” paradigm, you’re completely done learning
pickup and dating because those were the only necessary
ingredients all along.

Meeting women then becomes a joy, rather than an awful task
or dreaded situation. When rejected, you no longer feel
sadness or shame, because “the qualifier” is actually
immune. Rejection can actually even become somewhat funny,
and at the same time you feel sorry for people (compassion),
not because you’re ‘better’ than anyone, but simply
because you see how much they suffer needlessly, whereas
your own suffering has all but come to an end (as a
consequence of having let go of false perceptions).

Note that it can take a lifetime or three to accomplish
this paradigm shift, as it requires an intense willingness
to surrender fears, desires, beliefs, and everything that
stands in the way of this paradigm so that it fully ripens
and settles and matures. The desire to experience true
Unconditional Love has to mature into a rock-solid decision
and a commitment. Wishful thinking and rose-colored glasses
have to fall by the wayside in the search for true Love, which
is both an ‘inner’, as well as an ‘outer’, search.

To go from wishing for love to actually becoming and sharing
Love with a worthy partner is a very major decision that
gains momentum and eventually supersedes all other
ambitions.

Although the world of today is very familiar with personal
love, it does not know what Spiritual Love is. “The Qualifier”
is merely a useful tool to be used along the road to discovery,
and is to be discarded later on as Knowingness replaces or
eclipses the intellect.

Thus, the purpose of intensive programs such as Womanize is
to gently enable this very major shift to occur. In most
cases, the program will need to be studied over the course
of several years before it all finally “clicks.” The
literary style (as well as the speaking style in the
accompanying videos) is strong and declarative, rather than
the more common manner of writing/speaking which tends to be
more tentative or provisional. This is because the truths
shared are based upon the absoluteness of spiritually-based
subjective Revelation, rather than intellectually-based
experiences, memories of accomplishments, or opinions. The
style of presentation is designed to help facilitate a very
major paradigm shift which is actually well beyond
intellectual comprehension.

WHEW! Thanks for your question

Many Blessings,

Stephane Hemon

http://www.ideagasms.net/how-to-womanize/

 ***READER QUESTION***

Dear Stephane,

What, in your opinion, are the fundamentals for living a
truly wondrous life? Looking back on your life, what has
helped you through the more difficult times? What is the
difference between those who lead a great life versus those
who do not?

>>>COMMENTS:

Perhaps the very first key to a wondrous life is to admit
that the Source of your Life comes from Divinity and not the
ego/mind, nor does the Source of Life come from an
intellectualized ‘big bang’ theory/opinion or some kind of
random, accidental event. The Source of your Life comes from
Divinity; you are a child of God and therefore truly Divine;
Life comes from Life.

This is the very first key to a Happy, Joyful Life for it leads to
fundamental Integrity, as well as a sense of inner security
and accountability.

Perhaps the second key to living an incredibly rich and
fruitful life is to admit that there are indeed people on
this planet whom are more evolved than you are. In some
cases, there have been human beings who have reached such an
incredibly high state of evolution within themselves that it
is literally not even possible to imagine, via the human
intellect, just how evolved they truly are. In some cases,
even the term Lord is appropriate, such as in the cases of
Buddha, Krishna, and of course, Jesus Christ.

These are what I feel, at this juncture in my life, are the
two most important keys to life. One, to simply admit that,
“I have no idea where I came from, I have no memory of my
beginning, nor do I have any idea where I’m going.
Therefore, I did not create myself, clearly, but I have been
Created. Life comes from Life.” And two, simply admit
that there are those more evolved than yourself and seek
them out; relinquish your opinions, and listen to what
they have to say. Although people do love to read, rare are
those who truly listen.

Now, the problem with the “God-word” is that it has been
utterly distorted, so much so, that the depictions of God in
the Old Testament are actually somewhat demonic. God
supposedly suffers from psychological disorders (including
jealousy, hatred, and revenge). Although, over 2000 years
ago, Jesus Christ said that God is Love, humans still cling
to their Old Testament. That we are “slow in the head”
doesn’t even begin to describe just how ignorant we truly
are.

The simple act of admitting, “I, of myself, am ignorant”
does not lead to humiliation but to Humility. The human mind
is ill-equipped to discern ‘truth’ from ‘non-truth’ and
even, in many cases, it cannot even discern the very basics
such as being able to tell the ‘good’ from the ‘extremely
rotten’. Thus, in the willingness to admit, “I, of myself,
don’t know much about anything”, it takes one through the
door to Integrity and this is when the true search begins.

Human life is excruciatingly difficult and horribly painful.

That humans even manage to live through the first 20 years
of life without jumping off a bridge or at least getting
hooked on drugs to commit ‘passive suicide’ is enormously
impressive.

After many years of intense devotion to ‘truth-seeking’
(often to the point of tears and frustration and personal
anguish and despair that have reached levels of unnameable
intensities) looking back at all I have lived through, as
well as observing the hardships of other humans whose lives
have possibly been over 100,000 times more difficult than my
own life… that human beings are actually capable of living
through even one single human lifetime impresses me, shocks
me, and places me in a state of Awe that is resulting in
tears as I write these words.

Human life is horrendously difficult, and the simple fact
that people are actually attempting to live out their lives
totally alone and without the awareness of the Presence of
God in their lives… To not know the basic truth that
Divinity is the Source of your own Existence… to not even
have this very basic truth to be able to count on… and to
continue ‘plowing forth’ day after day in a world filled with
dangers, traps, chaos, war, lies, criminality, poverty,
disease, torture, and… the amount of suffering in this
world is so astronomical that as I wrote these last few
words I needed to step outside, wipe off my tears and smoke
a cigarette!!

That people actually try to live out their lives alone and
without prayer, contemplation, meditation, and the constant
re-reading of spiritual texts to remind them each and every
single day of their lives that they come from Divinity…
one can’t help but feel enormeous compassion for people.

Although religionism is a good start, unless it matures into
spirituality, a truly blissful and happy life is not likely.

It is one thing to hold a belief/opinion of God in mind, but
it is quite another to acknowledge that God is the Source of
your Life and is therefore Within you. Jesus Christ said,
“The Kingdom of Heaven is within you”; He did not say that
Heaven is ‘out there’ somewhere up in the clouds or in
some other time or place. So this is probably the main key
difference between religionism and true spirituality, as far
as I know. Religion tends to see God as an ‘out there’
human-like parent, while Spirituality recognizes God is
‘in here’ as consciousness itself. Spirituality sees Life,
Love, Consciousness, Awareness, and God as all one and
the same thing.

Perhaps every man would be very fortunate to ask himself:
“While lying on my (rapidly approaching) death bed, of what
good will be my opinions?” When seen for what they are,
opinions are inherently worthless. Therefore, to simply
acknowledge that there are some Beings on this planet who
have evolved themselves to such a degree that it is not even
possible for us to comprehend them intellectually… is a
very good place to start. To hear that there is such a thing
as Truth is already a great Blessing, for many have not even
heard of such a thing.

To find an appropriate teacher is likely the greatest
Blessing of all, because a teacher has traversed through the
many pathways and pitfalls and can tell you where the
landmines are. In my lifetime, the greatest Blessing of all
came on the day when I discovered my teacher, and since
then, I have married a good woman and together we have
practiced surrendering to our teacher’s wisdom (by letting
go of our own opinions) a little more each day, as best we
can. The rewards have been multitudinous and in some cases
what the world calls ‘miraculous’.

There are many great teachers available, and some of them
are appropriate at certain times in your life, yet won’t
likely be very appropriate later on. Every human being is a
teacher to the lesser-evolved humans, and a student to the
humans which are more highly-evolved.

There is an old adage: “Teach only Love.”

Therefore, once you’ve even heard that there is such a
thing as Love, if you can find someone who is even slightly
more advanced than you are and they teach Love, do not throw
away the opportunity or waste any time. To have even heard
of Love is already a profound Gift from God that, when seen
for what it is, is your Divine ‘inner calling’.

Love is the Source of your Life; the greater your degree of
awareness and understanding of this simple spiritual fact,
the greater your life will become.

A great place to start discovering Higher Awareness right
here and right now (and actually quite rapidly), is to make
the decision to stop with the inner talking, commenting,
editorializing, and useless babbling within your mind.

Although this may be difficult in the beginning due to the
addiction of inner rambling and the pleasure derived from it,
it very rapidly leads one to the discovery of the Presence
of God within. Bliss-Ecstasy-Joy states will be almost
continuous, as all doubt progressively dissolves in due
time. Just be quiet and the rest will come to you.

Many Blessings,

Stephane Hemon

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