*Question:

Dear Stephane,

I have been in an open relationship with a woman for a year. I told her from the very beginning that I am not going to be loyal - I cannot be since this is the way I am (not to trigger her attraction or to validate myself). My love can only flourish if I am free. We build our relationship on three values that are important to me: honesty, respect and trust. I have always been 100% honest with her - at least as honest as I managed to be with myself. She wasn’t really happy with me having sex with several other women during this year but she let me be myself. And she always said that is was very happy to be with me.

Now, I made a mistake. Since I have problems with my erection with condoms I have slept with a woman without one. The reason is simple: I was horny and didn’t think about diseases (only about pregnancy). Before, we promised each other that we will always use condoms with other partners (I didn’t use them with my girlfriend). I couldn’t work up the courage to tell her until 1,5 months after the one-night-stand but finally I told her. Now, she broke up with me and says that this mistake is too big to be forgiven.

I felt guilty for a while but now I forgave myself for that mistake and will never do that again. My question: is this mistake really unforgivable? Why can’t she give me another chance and try to trust me again? Is it only about the risk that she could be infected with some disease? I know that I am trustworthy but I am not perfect.

Out of my relationships she was the one I loved most. Please help me to understand.

>>My Comments:

People in “open relationships’ are lying to themselves, including you, but… I am not judging you for this. You need to go through this on your own, and learn. Everything in our lives is always perfect.

EVENTUALLY, you will come to realize that ‘open relationships” cannot work, and always create pain & drama. The people who think they can get around this have closed Heart Chakras, which is the only way realistically to have open relationships! “I will use you for sex and validation, and you will use me” AKA “fuck buddy consciousness”.

I noticed in your email that you JUST HAD TO MENTION this:

“I have been in an open relationship with a woman for a year. I told her from the very beginning that I am not going to be loyal - I cannot be since this is the way I am (not to trigger her attraction or to validate myself).”

Do you guys see where I’m going with this?

Why would he need to tell me how he really isn’t manipulating her attraction buttons and validating himself?

Why even bring it up? You don’t hear me talking about how the sky is blue, do you? You don’t hear me mentioning that I am a male, a human being, do you?

I don’t need to mention these things.

When dealing with liars, you will notice they often say stuff like, “Let me be honest with you today!”

I’m not saying this guy is bad or trying to deliberately lie to me to hurt me, what I am saying is that he is lying to HIMSELF.

But in reality, eventually people in open relationships come to realize that they have been lying to themselves all along.

Dear Friend, you can learn this now or you can learn it later on, but you WILL learn it:

You cannot have sex without getting emotion, and Spirit, INVOLVED IN THE EQUATION.

(If anyone reading this feels defensive, THAT is the feeling called, “Steph is right, but I don’t want to acknowledge the truth yet. AKA denial. Which is cool - we need to learn these things for ourselves; we need EXPERIENCE. But anyway, interesting to note that people HATE it when I bash open relationships.)

Now, what you did to your girlfriend is, in a sense, “unforgivable”. Dating someone like you, and accepting to bein an ‘open relationship’ simply because she’s needy, I think it’s safe to say that true Compassion is not yet in her consciousness. And, it’s not part of yours yet either.

Never betray a trust - they are hard to come by in this world.

When you slept with a girl with no condom, and then came home to your girlfriend, you fed her the DRAGON BUTTER.

This places you in the same level of consciousness as a MURDERER. The reality of this situation is you could have literally killed this girl by giving her AIDS. I know you wouldn’t actually shoot someone in the head, and I know you have a conscience, but it still needs work. You are VERY, very, very immature and ignorant about relationships and sexuality right now, but you have come to the right place

Do you know the story of Dragon Butter?

It’s a true story I like to tell people because it elevates their consciousness very quickly. It makes them realize that sexuality is not a toy, and that MAYBE… there might be something to this thing called “Loyalty” after all…

“DRAGON BUTTER - TRUE STORY”

One night while my girlfriend and I were out, this guy went WAY too far trying to steal her from me, saying all this stuff about me, and basically trying to make her leave me to be with him.

Under normal circumstances, I think the wise thing to do is to just ignore the guy, but
in this case, we simply could not get rid of him.

He was making my girlfriend feel increasingly uncomfortable, and this was in a place that we go to once a week to play pool with our friends.

After much thought, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to teach this guy a lesson and make it so that he would never, EVER try to break up another relationship for as long as he lived.

She smiled and said yes.

1- I said, “Okay, let’s go.”

2- I brought her to the ladies bathroom.

3- I pulled down my pants.

4- She licked my balls.

5- She licked my anus.

6- She stuck her tongue in DEEP.

7- She game me what they call a “rim-job”.

8- Then she proceeded to give me a blowjob, until I ejaculated in her mouth.

9- She swallowed about ½ of my semen, and kept the rest in her mouth.

10- She then left the bathroom, went over to the guy, and whispered in his ear, “If you’re such a man, let’s see how you kiss.” (And made out with him)

He looked over at me with jubilant delight!

That is, until I walked over and said, “Hey man, I’ve been eating a lot of pineapples lately, and they say it’s supposed to help with the taste. But something tells me that was a really SALTY KISS.”

He appeared to be confused until my girlfriend added, “Stephane doesn’t like to kiss me after giving him a rim-job and a blow job. That’s why I like you. You don’t mind the taste of Stephane’s anus
and semen… We call that Dragon Butter!”

PROBLEM SOLVED.

He ran out of the bar and started VOMITING.

Maybe next time he’ll think twice about being an “Ass Bandit” and trying to steal another man’s girlfriend.

He never bothered us again.

My friend, is the reality starting to sink in yet?

You sound like you were brainwashed by DavidX…
“We build our relationship on three values that are important to me: honesty, respect and trust.”

DavidX can teach us a lot about women, but you need to be able to filter out all the CRAP he teaches.

Actually, let’s pick apart some of the “bullshit stories” you are deluding yourself with.

You wrote:

“My love can only flourish if I am free.”

That is a very wise statement, but unfortunately, you are missing the point. “FREE” does not mean running around and banging chicks; it means surrendering in Love. Surrendering to a woman who is mature enough to love you without being needy, clingy.

Currently, this statement about Love that you are using is way outside your world model, your consciousness.

You also wrote:

“I told her from the very beginning that I am not going to be loyal - I cannot be since this is the way I am“

Correction, this is the way YOUR EGO wants to be.

In your core, your soul, your Heart, you understand that sexuality is NOT just physical, and as such, carries with it great responsibility. A woman’s Heart is not a toy.

Sex is Sacred. When you join with a woman sexually, your Hearts will begin to beat as one… now if you’re busy running around town trying to bag every chick that will have you, you are in direct violation of the laws of the Heart. Feelings are going to get hurt.

To let go of loyalty, one must first become enlightened. From there, all parties involved will be making mature, conscious decisions about who to have sex with.

You see, Dragon butter is also emotional and spiritual. When you mix energies with other people, you are also mixing with their darkness, their fears, their hatred, depression, etc. Running around town trying to be a “PUA” is so un-healthy it’s not even funny.

(The seduction community HATES when I talk about this, because when people realize it, they’ll stop wanting to become PUA’s, they will want better things in life. Well, it’s up to them to evolve - in any business, you grow, or you die.)

I’m not telling you to stop - in fact, I think you will need to continue this for a while until you learn what I am saying for yourself, on your own terms and in your own experience. I had to go through the same things you are dealing with now to get to the level I now enjoy (drama free life, healthy relationshis, etc.)

You also wrote:

“She wasn’t really happy with me having sex with several other women during this year but she let me be myself. And she always said that is was very happy to be with me.”

You are sexually and emotionally abusing her. You *know* that it hurts her, AND you *know* that her self-esteem is too low to put a stop to it on her own. But you’re taking advantage of her anyway, to get sex & validation from her. If you are able to sleep at night, this means your Heart Chakra is almost completely closed. This is the only way we are able to lie to ourselves.

You also wrote:

“I felt guilty for a while but now I forgave myself for that mistake and will never do that again. My question: is this mistake really unforgivable? Why can’t she give me another chance and try to trust me again? Is it only about the risk that she could be infected with some disease? I know that I am trustworthy but I am not perfect.”

Where do I start??

You supposedly forgave yourself, but you don’t understand why she isn’t able to do the same. This proves that you did not yet forgive yourself - otherwise you would know the answer.

Here is SOME of the answer:

She trusted you with her life, and you broke that trust. So now, her problem isn’t just with you - she is mad at HERSELF for allowing herself to be emotionally and sexually abused by you (and probably projecting some of this on you).

She went against her own core values - she wanted loyalty, but she put that on the shelf to be with you anyway, in spite of what her Heart wanted. She compromised, and whenever we do that we are hurting ourselves. She essentially used you to abuse herself - you guys are a perfect match

You two both need to eventually learn how to have Compassion. It is the ONLY real solution. You can learn this from me, or learn it from buddhist monks or somehwere else, but eventually you WILL learn it once you’re done playing in the sandbox of sexual, emotional, and spiritual ignorance.

Fact: You do not qualify to have ‘open relationships’ until you achieve enlightenment, and then by the time you get there, you probably won’t want them anymore. Sex is NOT a casual event.

With Honor,
Stephane

PS - For those of you who read this and felt a surge of energy, a recognition in your Heart,
The Girlfriend Training Program was created for you.