Stephane Hemon, ideaGasms FAQ

“You teach unconditional love, but if I love everybody unconditionally won’t I just turn in to a weak and needy wuss?”

You’ll turn into the opposite of a “needy wuss” because unconditional love greatly loves and values its own life, and not just the lives of others. Those who truly love their own life will not tolerate negativity or manipulation from others, nor do they themselves manipulate others. That said, they do not attack the negative, but merely avoid it, as they prefer to accentuate the positive.

The majority of the teachings in the dating community that teach about being an “alphamale” who is ostensibly “not a wuss” because “he doesn’t apologize for his manly desires” is very naive and limited, as is “cocky funny” and the desire to cause attraction in others. Frequently, online dating schools actually reverse the truth about love so that it becomes associated with weakness. In reality, however, nothing in this world is as strong or powerful as Love, which is not desire, infatuation, or emotionality at all but is actually devoid of those things. True Love is an emotionless state of joy, and it arises from the awareness of the Source of one’s Existence, which is the field of consciousness, i.e., God/Divinity.

The way to reach the state of Unconditional Love is to let go of every thought, opinion, emotion, and belief that stands in its way. It then auto-reveals itself as a silent knowingness and becomes one’s true identity, well beyond one’s identification with the body-mind. This state is many times more profound than can be imagined or understood intellectually.

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“Why did you start ideaGasms?”

I followed the best-known teachings of the “online dating community” to their ultimate end, and thus entered an extremely agonizing state in which the belief that “love is a naive non-truth and relationships are merely all about animal instinctual drives and ego programming” presented itself. The thought that “love is not real” was like a nightmare, and it felt like I was being presented with a choice of either continuing to be a “naive idiot who believes in love” or to accept the “cold, hard reality that love is just a romantic fantasy.” All of this was not verbalized as such, but was more like a general feeling of intense pain in the center of my chest.

Love had always been my sole purpose for living, my raison d’etre, my primary concern in life. It took precedence over everything else. Without the existence of love, the only choice for someone like me would be to commit suicide. This agony was intense, and I curled up into a little ball on the floor and fell asleep whimpering and sobbing.

The next day when I awoke, the whole world seemed to have been transformed. Colors were brighter, things seemed to move in slow motion, and everyone looked beautiful, radiant, and very lovable. This state only lasted for a short time, but it resulted in the goal to achieve Unconditional Love “no matter what.” I wanted that state/condition to become permanent, so I launched ideaGasms because I knew that I would have to immerse myself in speaking, writing, etc., and becoming Love. It took a little longer than I hoped it would take, and the road was more painful and difficult (and publicly embarrassing) than I could have ever imagined, but today this state has become my permanent condition. Love isn’t something I “do” or “feel” as an emotion. Love is what I am. This is difficult to describe, and the world is very suspicious and skeptical concerning such matters.

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“What does it take for a student to really ‘get’ the things that you teach?”

They need basic integrity, otherwise they will not understand a single sentence on this very page. In other words, if you are left-brain dominant, I won’t be a suitable teacher for you. But if you are right-brain dominant and are therefore capable of comprehending many non-linear spiritual values such as humility, integrity, and empathy, I consider you to be quite “ripe.” Unfortunately, it’s not possible to even “hear” me if you’re left-brained, and actually the left-brain is totally paranoid about right-brain phenomena. It doesn’t trust spiritual reality because it can’t.

In truth, the only way to find love in this world is to become it, and that is something that is easier said than done.

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“Why is there such a strong emphasis on spirituality?”

The Spirit is the same as Consciousness itself, which is the very source and substrata of your existence. It’s not possible to change your life, reduce your suffering, enjoy a healthy relationship, overcome shyness, get your dating or social life in order, lose weight, heal an illness, and live a life that is filled with laughter, joy, and happiness without learning about spirit/consciousness.

More than learning “about” spiritual love, one must also be willing to become it. We humans pay great lip service to love, we sing songs about it and make movies about it and say “I love you”, but it is just talk, and talk is cheap. To understand Love, you need to identify yourself as it. For that to happen, it has to become your number one priority in life. If it’s number two, you won’t get there.

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“What is your role and responsibility as someone who teaches love, relationships, etc.?”

I see my teaching function as having three main roles and responsibilities. First, I must try to inspire the student by continually striving to perfect myself, i.e., to seek Enlightenment every single day without exception. Second, to help the student remove their denial. Most humans are really just in a state of denial. And third, to expect excellence; a teacher needs to have the courage to help you see your limitations, while also being considerate of your feelings. In other words, you help them to become aware of the ego’s narcissistic pride, negative thought patterns, fallacious viewpoints, etc., while doing your best to keep them from falling down into self-hatred and shame by assisting them to expand their awareness of context and meaning.

I’m not responsible for the student’s progress, but I am responsible for my intention and effort. The rest I leave up to them, and to God.

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“Many people credit you with being a genius and say that you have helped them tremendously, while others attack and demonize you. Why is there so much ‘love/hate’ surrounding Stephane Hemon and ideaGasms.net?”

Genius is confused with a high IQ, but actually it merely denotes one’s ability to offer an unusually high degree of insight in any given area of human life. In this case, ideaGasms reflects a decidedly high level of wisdom regarding dating, relationships, and spirituality, which is a gift which can be offered to the world thanks to a lifetime of enormous drive, devotion, perseverance, concentration, etc., as well as an abnormally high commitment to spiritual integrity and humility.

Genius merely reflects the ability to bypass the intellectual mind and thereby access high-energy ‘attractor fields’ within the non-linear domain of consciousness itself, and is therefore a Gift. Genius is something that is accessible to all, however, few are motivated to discover it. The average person is not interested in truth at all, but instead seeks merely to confirm their own viewpoints, usually via social validation from others. If you can run a blog or even get on ‘The View’ and have others agree with your opinions… this is “happiness” for most people. The truly mundane is apparently considered satisfactory in this world.

The way society frequently handles their geniuses is to demonize and attack them, or else to be indifferent toward them and to completely ignore them. Any history major knows that. There’s only a small percentage of people capable of appreciating genius and learning from it. I’m certain that Carl Jung, being a genius himself, would agree.

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“If someone confidently states they are gifted or even a genius, doesn’t that mean they lack humility?”

No, it does not. Most of the so-called humility that goes on in the world is actually only pseudo-humility and thus a form of prideful play-acting. True humility does not need to posture, or else pretend that it doesn’t know the truth about itself. It is OK for a genius to know what they are, just as it is OK for a beautiful playboy model to know she’s beautiful. It’s not necessary to play dumb.

The majority of geniuses characteristically intuit that they are merely Gifted, thus, they give thanks to a Higher Power instead of narcissistically taking credit. True genius does not come from a personal self or ego. Genius is therefore not seen as “me” or “mine”, nor does it lead to feeling entitled or special.

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“Many people have said that they truly enjoy your articles and recordings, but that your frequent use of the word “God” makes them uncomfortable.”

The are usually four main reasons for this. One, the narcissistic core of the ego is in direct competition with God. Its primary motivations have to do with greed/gain as well as protecting the illusion that it is the source of its own existence and is therefore a sovereign, separate self. Thus, we often resist the “G-word” and do not even understand why. Most people are largely unaware of why they think what they think, decide what they decide, feel what they feel, and do what they do. People ask, “Why is meditation so difficult? My mind drives me crazy!” Well, your mind is in competition with the Almighty. Now that you have been made aware of this, the competitiveness itself has already been weakened. The simple Awareness of the ego’s inherent programs is, in itself, very powerful; awareness is many times more powerful than the ego, which is nothing but a series of programs.

Second, many have had very negative family and church upbringings, such as negative depictions of God as being prone to human weaknesses such as jealousy and anger and revenge, as well as the unfortunate religious proclivity to be obsessed with sin and righteousness.

And third, the majority of atheist’s are secretly attempting to alleviate guilt by pretending there is no God and therefore no accountability for their actions.

And fourth, the naive still presume God is a human-like person, sitting on a throne in some faraway place called Heaven. As Jesus correctly stated, “The kingdom of Heaven is within you.” If the word ‘God’ makes you uncomfortable, realize it can be substituted for words like Truth, Love, Consciousness, Awareness, Allness, Universe, Non-duality, the Garden of Eden, Heaven, Krishna, and so on.

A further recommendation at this point would be to frankly get over yourself and your narcissism. To even state that a word makes you “uncomfortable” is very childish and arrogant. Although narcissism is popular, it leads in the direction called hell, which is not a place, but is an inner condition linked to anguish and suffering.

I like the word ‘God’ because I experience Love when I say it, but I don’t experience nearly as much Love when I say, “the universe” or “the field of awareness.”

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“Are you Enlightened/Awakened/Illuminated?”

Not yet. The state I am in currently is that of Unconditional Love, or semi-Enlightenment, as is my wife Greta. It is more-or-less the level-of-consciousness which is experienced by some very well-known people such as the Dalai Lama and the current Pope. They are not Enlightened, but they are not exactly ordinary either. They are said to have one foot in the Divine World, and the other foot in the concrete world of form. That describes my experience also.

Experientially, this current condition/state is actually almost identical to the state of being high on pure MDMA (“Ecstasy”). There is a profound inner silence which is actually in the foreground, whereas in the state experienced by most humans, the silence is either in the background, or else it is not even noticed at all. This state is one of almost continuous joy, peace, love, bliss, and happiness which is constant about 98% percent of the time. This is not the joy of a sudden pleasant turn of events, nor the result of the accomplishment of a goal, but is a constant condition that has no external cause.

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“What do dating & relationships have to do with spirituality?”

Your very existence comes from the Divine non-linear spiritual realm termed ‘consciousness’.

When dating and relationships become ‘infused’ with the inner awareness called
‘Love’, which is really an awareness of non-duality, true happiness and even ecstatic joy then auto-result.
It’s then possible to understand that sexuality is not merely a physical experience, and from then on it
becomes a way of expressing unconditional love and even experiencing states of Oneness with our partner and
even with Life itself. If you’re single, for the very first time ever, it finally becomes possible to
approach a complete stranger without shyness, ‘approach anxiety’, social paranoia, and defensiveness.
Transitioning from the ‘pickup’ to the ‘date’ and into a healthy ‘relationship’ then becomes smooth,
easy, and very joyful.

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“Do you teach women as well?”

While the great majority of things I teach are indeed applicable to both sexes, I have decided to focus
primarily on teaching men — particularly men who are involved in today’s online “dating community” simply
because I saw an opportunity to serve in that domain.

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“What are your plans for ideaGasms in the future? Are you going to continue teaching about dating and relationships, or transition into another area, such as Enlightenment?”  

There are no ‘plans’ or ‘goals’ or any kind, other than the projects we’re working on today. We try to
live a life which is on the ‘crest of the wave of the eternal now’ to the best of our ability, allowing life
to unfold automatically and spontaneously of its own. It’s the only way to reach Enlightenment.

Many Blessings,

Stephane Hemon
ideaGasms inc.