***QUESTION***

Stephane,

Let’s start with this: you are awesome.

What’s so amazing is that I am so much more intrigued about the way you perceive what a great relationship to be than any female adviser. It seems like the women relationship experts just want more and more female control. Too much yang for their own good.

So, I came to ask your insight.

The problem is that I am a giver. While that usually has such a positive connotation, I find it hard to receive sexual favors. I will give and give, with which I couldn’t be happier. I know this is slightly selfish since I get so much from giving to a lover or a relationship in general. I also have no idea where all this tension and reservation is coming from. This sucks a lot because I WANT to enjoy it and it’s me that’s keeping me from getting off!

Perhaps you can help me to cut down my own bullshit?
Hopefully you have insight into what lame female “fear” number I am listed under.

Whatever the case, I’m turning to you since most other advice is bullshit and frosting coated. You get straight to the point and call people out on what they don’t want to face about themselves.

-Cynthia

You are certainly not alone… most of the very decent, integrous people I know - including myself - have struggled with being able to receive love.

This is the kind of problem that can run deep… there can be many, many causes at the root of this, such as fear that others will think we are selfish and greedy, or the fear that if someone goes down on us for an extended period of time they might end up resenting us for “making” them work too hard, or “making” them feel like a tool.

We’re going to start by applying the frame, “The world is my mirror” to this one, to see what comes of it…

Do you sometimes do things for others that you would rather not do, for fear that they will get mad at you and eventually “reject” you?

Sure you do.

You know… like your mother asks you to babysit your little brother on a night that you intended to go out, and you don’t want to disappoint her and risk losing her approval, so you cave and babysit your little brother. You tell yourself that, after all, she did give birth to you and make all kinds of sacrifices to raise you.

Or perhaps you have a friend who never seems to get his act together… and when he asks to borrow money from you - again - you give him 50 bucks even though you’re starting to feel used. “Whatever, it’s better than rocking the boat”, you rationalize it to yourself and make excuses for him, even though you know intuitively that you’re really just bullshitting yourself. You gave him that money because you didn’t want to risk losing the friendship, the approval.

We all have to deal with “Energy vampires”, you know… the victim or “poor me”, the interrogators, the aloofs, and the intimidators.

(To learn more about these 4 types of control, click here –> http://www.ideagasms.net/energy-vampires/ ).

These people hit us in the solar-plexus region and drain our energy.

Failure to cut these people out 100% is evidence that one is still addicted to the approval of others, you see?

Once you get your solar-plexus handled, you’ll start to become ready to open your Heart Chakra ALL THE WAY, which is at the root of your issue with receiving love.

Since it can take a while to transcend this completely, here is a little trick you can use:

Explain to your partner that you want his or her help in learning to let go and receive love, in this case, love in the form of your partner going down on you for at least two full hours.

Get showered, get naked, and get ready.

Lie down, and have your partner blindfold you, as well as tie your hands to the bedpost.(The blindfolding serves to remove the feeling of being too self-conscious, and the hands tied to the bedpost means you will be FORCED to receive cunnilingus.)

Your partner will then pleasure you for at least two hours.

The first time Ghita did this for me, she actually went down on me for over 7 hours, and it was so awesome that I actually entered a state called samadhi, one of the first stages of Enlightenment. Since I went into such a high level of consciousness, I transcended the problem of being able to recieve.

(She also learned that she can have orgasms by deepthroating me, way cool.)

All of the issues that we experience at one level of consciousness can be transcended by bringing ourselves to a higher level of consciousness. In fact, by bringing my consciousness up to a level where addictions are easily forgotten, I recently transcended alcohol. I no longer care to drink because my consciousness is now at the level beyond where the alcohol “high” used to bring me.

So get tied up and blindfolded, ask your partner to go down on you for at least two hours.

While you sit back and enjoy the cunnilingus, have the intention to open up your Heart Chakra and repeat the mantra, “I Am Truly Loved”.

Do that and report back.

Blessings,
Stephane