I’ve just put together a new circle, which means that my life is a lot of fun AND a lot of WORK.

Let’s face it, girls can be quite… annoying at times. They get scared, insecure, emotional, and next thing you know, the perfectly sweet girl you are talking with turns into someone else entirely. The painbody makes itself known, and I’ve been waiting for Veronika’s painbody patterns to make themselves known to me.

Her pattern is actually very typical. First, she is shy, which means fear of rejection/abandonment. So she has trouble with speaking her truth at times, because she doesn’t want to “rock the boat”. She grew up in a german family, you know… repressed Christians who explode with anger from time to time… usually over something stupid.

So last night I encouraged her to start telling me anything and everything that is on her mind - what her fears are, worries, insecurities, even the “woman stuff” that has no logic or reason. And slowly, slowly she started opening up to me, but then she said something that had a “blaming tone”, something that my solar plexus didn’t like, I don’t even remember what it was.

I said, “That’s enough, I draw the line at blame… watch my solar plexus please.”

Of course, you have to raise your voice a little, otherwise they never hear you. But then, she’s very sensitive and got scared, she thought I was “mad at her” and started going into painbody, fight/flight childhood programming mode, which is really interesting when you can see how this stuff works, without taking anything personally. She started getting defensive.

Doh!

I hate when they get defensive - what does “defensive” truly mean? it means that I’m right, but she is in denial. They go into denial and try to frame control you because, ironically, they don’t want to be rejected/abandoned. So they behave in ways that will virtually guarantee getting abandoned, haha..

Silly girls…

So, while she’s defensive, I have to see… is she able to be CONSCIOUS about her defensiveness? Or is she too stuck in the fears to be objective about herself? Fortunately for Veronika, she was able to see, because I said, “You’re being defensive” and she said, “I know, it’s just that blah blah blah” (more defensiveness, but hey - at least she’s able to see this with me. Otherwise I have to fire them, which always sucks.)

Defensiveness patterns… one is where they go, “Yeah, BUT” and then run some kind of excuse.

Another is when they try to tell you that they don’t feel understood. Here you are trying to teach her to stop energy vamping you, and SHE doesn’t feel understood. The poor-me card.

Another one is when they try to distract you, like you’re giving her shit for doing X-disrespectful-thing, and rather than just saying sorry, they say dumb shit like, “You don’t have to yell!”

*sigh*

I’m a bit worried about Veronika, if she doesn’t learn to just suck it up and apologize without defensiveness I’ll have to let her go. Fortunately, she is semi-conscious of this and JUST BARELY able to keep up. It took me over 2 years to train Ghita though, and holy shit was she ever worth it. I think Veronika will be worth it, I really do.

Another HUGE one is answering a question… with a question. So you ask her something and she wants to know why you are asking, or she has a question about why you worded your question in that way, or whatever. It’s really simple, they are trying to buy more time to think about how to weasel their way out of taking responsibility and apologizing. Again, they fear rejection/abandonment so much that they learned to be this way as an emotional survival tool. Also, most girls I date were usually WAY above the consciousness level of their own parents, so they could easily frame control mom and dad (not to mention every guy they have dated until they meet me, haa).

So anyway, with these defensiveness issues, last night I kept pushing and pushing because i wanted to know the structure of her painbody, but now that I know it life should get a little easier. The solution, in her case, is she needs to hold the frame “I Am Truly Loved”. They get scared of losing love, and so they start acting very stupidly/immaturely. But with her, once I snapped her out of it and got her observing her own patterns with me, on the same side of the table so-to-speak, I asked her to hold that Heart Chakra frame and see what happens to the defensiveness, argumentativeness, and denial… as you can probably guess, it is the one and only cure. All fear of rejection/abandonment is cured in the Heart Chakra. There’s no other way. Only Heart.

Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. We hold the frame “I’m truly loved” and we create that reality. Insecure people hold the frame, “I am NOT truly loved” and they create that also.

So then you get a solid commintment from them, an agreement that next time, they will repeat the mantra until they have calmed themselves down. I’ll let you guys know how it goes next time I get a friendly visit from her painbody

I really should just start videotaping all the rooms in my house, maybe I’ll just audiotape myself and get someone to transcribe so that you guys can see this shit in action. It’s really an art form, dealing with three girls, two of them are new, living with me, and will need a lot of work. Don’t they all?

Anyway it’s certainly not all bad, but I’ll keep posting my “circle spank” stuff because I know this is why you’re all here. I have TONS more - sooo much has happened over the last few weeks, but I’m too tired and still need to rest up. Just wanted to get this post on defensiveness patterns out of my head, because it’s still fresh in my mind.

I’m going to take it easy today, and have “family movie day”, but I’ll try to post something tomorrow.

With Love,
Stephane

PS - By the way, this stuff is in the GTP.