(52 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5)
Loading ...Thanks for the schooling guys, admittedly I wrote this post while feeling overwhelmed by all the guys who call me who want “tricks” instead of Heart. Here is the 2.0 version of this post 
This is an EXTREMELY important post. I keep hearing the same old story, over and over and over like a broken record from some of you guys. The story goes like this:
“I met this girl, we hit it off and had an awesome time together, but now, for some reason, she is pushing me away and using the old ‘I’ve been hurt in the past’ as her reason for backing off.”
So anyway, check out this question/story… I’m going to nit-pick - he is showing us the solution, you just have to know what to look for:
“Ok. I just recently started talking to this girl and she and I like each other a lot. I went over to her apartment the other day and we had a great time. Laughed and joke and I even kissed her at the end of the night.
Well, a couple days later her friend is telling me things that she said for some reason. She told me that she likes me but she just doesn’t know. I wasn’t sure how to take that. I’m trying to keep things moving really slow.
Well, last night her sister was in town and her and her sister and her invited me out to hang out with them for a little while. Her sister started telling me things like “so, Sasha tells me this about you and Sasha tells me that about you”. So, judging by the I knew that she likes me as well. By the end of the night I have my friend who is also friends with this girl telling that he talked to her as well and she says that she likes me but she likes me as a friend and then we will see where it goes from there.
I finally got fed up with everyone being involved with the two of us and pulled her aside and talked to her myself. I layed it all on the line for her and told her that I like her and everything but I feel that there are too many people trying to push the issue with us getting together and then asked her flat out what her thoughts and feelings were. She told me that she likes me but she is old fashioned and that she would like to get to know me better as a friend and without everyone (including her sister) pressing the issued.
I ended up telling her that was fine and I understood because friendship is very important in building a relationship but I would still like to take her out on a couple dates and take things slow and go from there. She said that she would like that but in this process she mentioned that she had been burned a lot.
The only problem now is that I feel like I’m back at square one and I don’t really know how to get through the few hurdles that are in my way. This is definitely a quality girl that I have A LOT in common with and if we were in a relationship then I know it would be a great one. I guess I’m trying to figure out what to do to get her over some of the things she is worried about without coming off or making her feel like I am needy.
Any pointers or direction on where to go from here would be greatly appreciated.
By the way, her sister kept saying that she likes me and approves me (like I actually needed that or something because I never asked for her approval) and that talked to her sister about me and one of the things she can’t get passed is that I have the same first name as her Dad. She also told me that she was talking to Sasha and letting her know that she would be stupid to pass something up with me.
That’s my other dilemma. I have all these people pushing her on me and not letting her make up her own mind. I know that when women are pushed on to someone they can tend to be less attracted to that person.
How do I get passed that as well?
Thanks
J.
Let me start by saying that, for the most part, women are AWAKE, and men are ASLEEP.
That is, since the second-wave of feminism happened in the 60’s, women woke up to the fact that men are brutal, dumb, clueless idiots who think that getting a boner means “Love”. In other words, women are able to see right through us, and they are able to predict our every move. I’m NOT saying that women are “enlightened” or anything, in fact, in many cases I can clearly see that women are still very stuck in the lower 3 chakras - however, even the “stupidest” women are still ten times smarter and more powerful than men are, which is why we repressed women for so long, we subconsciously understood that women are “birthing energy” and therefore extremely powerful creatures. Not “superior”, just powerful.
Now, since the third-wave of feminism happened, the men of today seem to be even MORE asleep, and more terrified of women than ever. I think that in many, many cases, men are carrying a LOT of guilt and shame, let’s call it G&S for short.
We carry so much of this G&S because, well, not only have we brutalized and controlled and raped women since the dawn of man, we’ve also just about destroyed this entire planet…
And, we are all WANKERS! We watch porn, jerk off, and we give some chick on the internet our vital life force energy. Then we try to approach a cute girl on the street, but we’re tired & drained from all the jerking off. Not only tired, but ashamed of ourselves on such a deep level, and the women we approach KNOW THIS. They may or may not know it consciously, but on some level they sense our stupidity. A woman knows a wanker when she sees one
ideaGasms is starting to turn into the FOURTH WAVE of feminism. This is where MEN come from all over the world to WAKE UP, including yours truly. Most do not wake up, but at least I’m averaging an astounding 5-10%. Even that much is REALLY good, considering just how asleep men truly are right now. As I am able to awaken more and more within myself, I’ll be able to increase my numbers.
A woman knows what her life is going to be like with a man the moment he opens his mouth and starts yapping. Women are psychic
Today, most women feel they have to choose between the “safe” ass-kissing guys, or the “badboy players”. Secretly, women HATE both of these types of men, because they are both completely and utterly full of shit. Women are angry, and DEPRESSED because there are mostly only two kinds of men to choose from, and both of them, well, suck. These men are asleep - the safe guys think they are awake, and so do the players… or at least they pretend to think they are “in the know” because they want to be loved.
There is a third kind of guy, let’s call him “The Awakened Leader”.
Let’s talk about the guy who posted the above story & questions.
Do you think he’s the THIRD kind of guy, THE AWAKENED LEADER?
Nope, not even close.
Deep down, feminine women want us to take them on a life adventure, an EXCITING AND DANGEROUS life adventure. This is why rock stars literally fuck thousands of women - it is because they take women on an adventure - touring the world, inspiring people with their music, they are taking women on an exciting and dangerous adventure. Perhaps getting stoned and fucking groupies isn’t the best choice, but it’s a lot more adventurous than what the rest of our so-called “men” have to offer.
A woman actually WANTS to devote her entire life to her man, to help him do his life’s work, his purpose, his mission. And, she wants him to help her with her own unique mission and qualities… to help her blossom.
What sort of “adventure” do you think the above guy is going to take her on?
My guess is that he’s going to take her to dinner, then a movie, then he’ll get her drunk and fuck her, while he thinks of whatever porn-star he saw that day. Then maybe he’ll cuddle with her and fall asleep. Then he’ll suggest that tonight, they should maybe rent a movie and get stoned together.
Then he’ll get into his car and resume giving his entire life away to some stupid, boring, meaningless job for some fucked up corporation that poisons our planet. From his desk, he might call her and say that he loves her.
^^This is the life, the “adventure” that most men are offering women. You have these AMAZING creatures in your arms, ready to help you to forge an incredibly rich and rewarding life, but you guys are not “taking adavantage” of the situation. It’s like you’re sitting on a goldmine, but we think it’s just bronze.
Until we actually become MEN who actually live a life that matters, until we start living our true purpose and make your life an exciting adventure, women are going to say things to you like, “I don’t know… I’m afraid of getting hurt”.
She’s not afraid of getting hurt, she’s afraid of wasting her life on some boring, loser, beta-male.
Let’s pick apart this guy’s post now. Let’s try and look at his “story” from the eyes of a WOMAN.
Ok. I just recently started talking to this girl and she and I like each other a lot. I went over to her apartment the other day and we had a great time. Laughed and joke and I even kissed her at the end of the night.
Most women will think: It took him the entire night to work up the nerve to KISS HER. He wasted her whole night.
Well, a couple days later her friend is telling me things that she said for some reason. She told me that she likes me but she just doesn’t know. I wasn’t sure how to take that. I’m trying to keep things moving really slow.
Most women will think: he’s trying to keep moving things “really slow”, even though he wants things to move fairly quickly…
WHY is he deliberately trying to slow things down? Life is short man! The TRUTH is that he is simply doing things the way he mistakenly thinks SHE wants things to be. He thinks that she’s “afraid of getting hurt” and literally telling her, “Girl, you can lead me, I don’t know what I’m doing. You want to take things slow, then that’s what we’ll do. You lead, I’ll just follow and try to make you happy.”
He’s actually “lying” to her, secretly hoping that if he does things “her way” that she’ll accept and approve of him, maybe even offering him some SEX.
Wow. Lucky guy.
And what a lucky girl… what an EXCITING ADVENTURE he is giving her.
(Sorry about the sarcasm, I’m just trying to wake you guys up… this is how women percieve us! Ouch.)
Well, last night her sister was in town and her and her sister and her invited me out to hang out with them for a little while. Her sister started telling me things like “so, Sasha tells me this about you and Sasha tells me that about you”. So, judging by the I knew that she likes me as well. By the end of the night I have my friend who is also friends with this girl telling that he talked to her as well and she says that she likes me but she likes me as a friend and then we will see where it goes from there.
Most women will think: I can barely even READ that bullshit! “He said and she said and it said and they said”. He sounds like most of my girlfriends!!
(I guarantee you that the women reading this are going to laugh really hard, maybe even scream as they read this post of mine.)
Here’s what’s really going on.
You are sitting there with these people, and the only thing on your mind is “God, I hope she likes me.” You spent the entire night trying to gather evidence that this girl “likes you”.
Most women will think: It’s pathetic
A “real man”, an AWAKENED LEADER does NOT waste his entire night trying to collect evidence that some chick likes him or not. He simply walks over to the girl, and he TAKES HER. He knows where he is going, and the only evidence he is looking for is simply, “Will this chick be strong enough to handle me, to handle the exciting adventure I have already mapped out for myself and the lucky girl who qualifies. Is she ready to start opening her Heart?”
I finally got fed up with everyone being involved with the two of us and pulled her aside and talked to her myself. I layed it all on the line for her and told her that I like her and everything but I feel that there are too many people trying to push the issue with us getting together and then asked her flat out what her thoughts and feelings were. She told me that she likes me but she is old fashioned and that she would like to get to know me better as a friend and without everyone (including her sister) pressing the issued.
You are asking her to choose you PREMATURELY, hence the resistance and hesitation on her part. She doesn’t even know what you are going to teach her yet, what you intend to show her, what the adventure is going to be all about. All she knows for sure is that you are one more weak guy who is “nice” and wants to fuck her. How exciting.
Again, this is just how most women think, this is why we are getting soooo many hot/cold/hot/cold responses from them. Women are just a mirror for our own congruence (or lack thereof).
When a girl says, “I’m old-fashioned and want to take things slow”, she is actually just “GIRL-CODING” you. She is trying to tell you everything that I’m laying down in this post. She wants to tell you this stuff so badly, but unfortunately for her, she isn’t as consciously aware as I am about all of this. I spent a lifetime learning all about how to have empathy with women, so I’ve learned to verbalize this stuff pretty clearly, more clearly than they can in most cases.
All she really knows is that you are boring, predictable, and “really nice”. But she secretly fantasizes about a biker grabbing her, throwing her up on his motorcycle, and driving away with her into the night. Trust me, for THAT GUY, when she says “I want to take it slow” it will just mean, “Stick your dick in my ass, but not too quickly please!”
“Taking it slow” can mean completely different things for different guys. For YOU it means, “Please go away” and for ME it means “don’t fuck my ass too hard”.
(Aren’t I a classy guy… Some of you didn’t like that joke, but I think it’s hilarious, lol)
I ended up telling her that was fine and I understood because friendship is very important in building a relationship but I would still like to take her out on a couple dates and take things slow and go from there. She said that she would like that but in this process she mentioned that she had been burned a lot.
First she wants to take it slow, and now she’s pushing you further away by telling you that she has been burned a lot. When a girl says this stuff, YOU’VE ALREADY LOST HER. She’s just trying to let you down easy, because the last time she tried to tell a loser to go away, he cried. She doesn’t want you to get your tears and snot all over her new outfit, she needs to keep that outfit clean because a guy might come along any day now and take her on an actual adventure.
The only problem now is that I feel like I’m back at square one and I don’t really know how to get through the few hurdles that are in my way. This is definitely a quality girl that I have A LOT in common with and if we were in a relationship then I know it would be a great one. I guess I’m trying to figure out what to do to get her over some of the things she is worried about without coming off or making her feel like I am needy.
You ARE acting needy - you can’t talk yourself out of a problem that you just behaved yourself into.
And, having a lot in common with a girl is not as valued as you seem to think. Girls don’t want to date someone who is exactly like them - they want to date their polar opposite. They want polarity, they do not care much for “rapport”.
And again, the things she’s “worried about” are not at all what you think. I’m sorry that women do not speak in literal terms, I’m sorry they “girl-code” and HINT at things… it’s frustrating to leaqrn all this stuff… but after all, they had to learn to be this way because men tend to rape them and stuff like that. Most of the woman in today’s relationships actually just feel like hostages to needy little boys - the women of today are like MOMMY to most of you guys.
(Of course, they are “choosing” it, because we tend to attract our reciprocal. We ALL need to take response-ability in this.)
By the way, her sister kept saying that she likes me and approves me (like I actually needed that or something because I never asked for her approval) and that talked to her sister about me and one of the things she can’t get passed is that I have the same first name as her Dad. She also told me that she was talking to Sasha and letting her know that she would be stupid to pass something up with me.
It’s possible that her sister is so used to her getting all the guys, that she’s trying to hook up with you. Or maybe she’s trying to heal her own pain and loneliness by playing “matchmaker” - many girls do this. Another possiblity is that she’s just trying to help her sister let you down easy. She’ll say stuff like, “My sister is dumb, she should have chosen you!” even if she doesn’t actually mean it. Girls spend a LOT of energy trying to keep the male ego in check, just as guys spend lots of energy trying to keep the female ego in check.
It’s also possible that all three of the above things are occurring at once - women are “walking contradictions” just like we are. Her feelings might be very mixed up and intertwined.
That’s my other dilemma. I have all these people pushing her on me and not letting her make up her own mind. I know that when women are pushed on to someone they can tend to be less attracted to that person.
How do I get passed that as well?
Most women will think: Yes, you are letting other people run your life for you.
I realize I’m being a bit rough on you guys, it’s because I want as many of you as possible to wake up. Getting girls is NOT HARD, the trick is to have a LIFE. You don’t have to be a rock star, you can be anything. You might be the next Picasso, or perhaps you were born to work with children, I don’t know, everyone is unique.
Quit your jobs, or at least use it as a STEPPING STONE onto something greater.
Your woman wants to see and hear you talking about whatever it is that you are PASSIONATE about. When she sees the light in your eyes, she will do ANYTHING to help you to build your own unique life adventure, in the hopes that you will include her in it.
Blessings,
Stephane
PS - So today I want to comment on some of the private emails I recieved.
One comment was basically, “We can’t all have a life of purpose, running ideaGasms.”
Agreed. I’m talking about your own UNIQUE purpose, it doesn’t have to be about teaching, it can be anything. When I talk to girls, I try to find out what they are most passionate about, and this is exactly what women want from us. If we “light up” while talking about something, they get very turned on by this (assuming they see value in what the guy is talking about. If the guy is talking about his passion for something, and she doesn’t see any value in it, or if she is against it, obviously she won’t be right for him).
Your purpose can be about ANYTHING, and only your Heart knows what this is. It can range from painting, to building software -it’s not the activity that matters, it’s the HEART energy behind it.
This is why we can’t get EVERY GIRL no matter how much we work on our “game” it’ll never happen. Of course, we can get to a point where it almost feels like we can have any girl, and this is due to the fact that most men are asleep, so the competition out there isn’t very strong.
So anyway, your unique purpose can even be about becoming the world’s greatest BOWLER - it literally doesn’t matter. When I was younger, I had many passions, one of them was skateboarding. If ANY girl would have said, “Steph, I don’t like you skateboarding” or whatever, I would have dumped her. Skating was WAY more important to me, I was VERY passionate about it (until I sprained my left ankle 14 times. On the 14th time, my doctor told me I was STUPID to continue skating. To this day my ankle is a little bit screwed up, so I had to quit).
When I quit, I dicovered 9-ball pool, and excelled at it. Girls would literally surround the pool table at times - I remember this one girl used to sit there for 8 hours just watching me play, not because she liked 9-ball or anything, haa… what she liked was my PASSION about the game. It was hardly my “life purpose”, but it was something that brought a lot of light to my eyes.
I also had a passion for NLP & Hypnosis back in the day, and would light up whenever I talked about those topics. Again, many girls could sense that I was “on purpose”, and this turned them on immensely. Most didn’t care about “NLP”, what they cared about was that I was so happy, on purpose.
(I’ve since been letting NLP, etc. go because it is stuck in the mind, and I’m learning to leave the mind and enter the Heart.)
So these were some unique “purposes” (or at least PASSIONS) of mine, as you can see, a man’s purpose doesn’t have to be all grandiose or anything special. When I say “take women on an adventure” it doesn’t necessarily mean “get rich, travel the world”. The adventure can also be INTERNAL, such as a passion for meditation.
Next, someone commented that “we can’t all quit our jobs”.
Oh, yes you CAN.
Hey, I’ve had plenty of jobs over the years, and they all “schooled” me and taught me that having a job is dumb, unless you are working for a company or cause that you feel very passionate about.
Do what you love and the money will follow. I started ideaGasms a few years ago, I had to go on welfare to do so, and we even ate food from the local food bank in those days. It was *hard*, my first client literally paid me with CAT FOOD and BEER. So at least my cat wasn’t going to the food bank
I still don’t have any money, haa.. I’m actually in debt, but I now have a company that is starting to be able to survive on it’s own. ideaGasms is still just a baby, but in time…
It was VERY hard, but looking back, all those “jobs” were much harder, epecially on my self-worth.
Pavlina has a great article about this:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/07/10-reasons-you-should-never-get-a-job/
Another guy commented that not all women are the same, not all women require the guy to have a “mission” or purpose in his life.
I disagree, espcially if you date high-quality women, I don’t mean her looks, I mean high quality. Women of self-worth.
Again, your purpose does NOT have to be “special” or grandiose. And this is NOT about “getting rich” or anything to do with money, or fame. I know a guy who spends every waking hour building videogames. I know another guy who spends his days playing poker professionally, and just the THOUGHT of poker makes his eyes light up. Since these two men have something unique in their lives, they will surely have women knocking on their doors.
I used to spend every waking hour reading books. It doesn’t matter guys, we are all unique. Whatever gets your rockets off
Another guy wrote in, “I learned from you that the need to “display value” was wrong, but now it looks like you’re trying to get me to Demonstrate Higher Value”?? You’re contradicting yourself!”
This is an example of someone who is completely stuck in their heads. Open your HEART, this post is not about what “seduction tactics” are right vs. wrong, this isn’t about DUALITY. This is about being a man and having a life worth sharing.
Thanks for reading, I feel that this post should be required reading for IG newbies…
